Phillip O’Sullivan For Avadis & Co. Solicitors
25/11/2015
When your marriage begins to fall apart, it is a difficult and complex time, and taking that final step of separation or divorce is a daunting prospect. The ending of a relationship is hard enough, but when children are thrown into the mix, the situation becomes more complicated still. According to research commissioned by Irwin Mitchell, 37% of married parents have thought of asking for a divorce, only to put it off due to concerns about how it would affect the children. Of these people, 18% have a date in mind as to when they will end their relationship, with 1/5 thinking that they would wait out through the Christmas period before initiating proceedings. This all comes from the idea that it’s better to stay together for the kids, and that having your parents living together in an unhappy relationship, is better than putting the children through a divorce.
New research by the family law organisation Resolution refutes the idea that it is better to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children. From a poll of 14 -22 year olds who had been through the divorce or separation of their parents, 82% said that they would prefer for their parents to separate if they were unhappy. It’s clear from these statistics that staying in an unhappy marriage is not what children want for their parents, but would rather see them separate but happy.
The Chair of Resolution, Jo Edwards has suggested that it is in fact “being exposed to conflict and uncertainty about the future [that is] most damaging for children, not the fact of divorce itself.” It goes without saying that divorce can be a messy and emotionally draining process when it is handled poorly, but separation of the parents, in and of itself is not what is damaging to the children, but the way in which the process is handled. From the same study, 31% of children stated that they would like for their parents to not criticise each other in front of them, with 30% stating they would have liked for their parents to understand what it was like to go through the process. As Ms Edwards states further “this means it is essential that parents act responsibly, to shelter their children from adult disagreements and take appropriate action to communicate with their children throughout this process, and make them feel involved in key decisions, such as where they will live after the divorce.”
Statistics from the BBC suggest that people marrying for the first time have a 45% chance of getting divorced, with 34% of marriages expected to end before the 20th wedding anniversary. It does however seem that second marriages have a slightly higher success rate, with only a 31% chance of divorce.
There is no doubt that the final step, beginning the process of separation and divorce, is a big one, but if you are at the point in your marriage where you feel it might be the right option for you, it might also be the right option for your children. As the statistics show, the vast majority of children see separation as the better option over an unhappy marriage. At Avadis & Co we have the expertise and experience to handle your divorce or dissolution of civil partnership, with proficiency and sensitivity.